Paisley to disappear

The deadzone that is Paisley town centre

You know, I was down in the slums of Glasgow last week for an important business meeting and afterwards, I just missed my train back to civilisation. I had to hang around George Square for a while watching the drug addicts and women of the night looking for business but bought myself the Evening Times to distract me until the next train departed.

I burst out laughing when I read an article claiming that the deeply misguided and antediluvian Renfrewshire Council were thinking about preparing a future bid that would see Paisley as UK City of Culture. This is rather like hoping that the Scottish Planner will actually print an interesting article. Or hoping that a future article in the Scottish Planner might not be embarrassingly self-serving or dripping with the syrup of faux humility.

Anyway, this Evening Times article talked of harnessing the town's heritage to 'drive tourism'. What kind of rubbish is this? It goes on to say, "Key projects include a £50m revamp of Paisley Museum and the creation of a fashion and design centre on the High Street". Then unbelievably, "A team of funding, heritage, marketing and tourism experts was invited to the town to advise the council on how to make the dream a reality".

Maybe they didn't come - I know I wouldn't bother because the town is dead. It was killed a long time ago by the absolutely wonderful Braehead Shopping Centre and associated retail facilities, including IKEA where, but a short time ago, you were once able to get horse meatballs. For people from Paisley, that is probably a delicacy and would make a change from pie suppers and Buckfast. Braehead is of course their main shopping centre and they clearly value it – there’s almost nothing left of good old Paisley!

Braehead - what's not to like?

Braehead is brilliantly successful not only as a retail centre but also, and this is as a very important expert planner word, as an ‘entertainment hub’. It also has ‘mixed use’! I've spoken before about Ferry Village and Renfrew Riverside where genius architects Young and Gault created untrampled loveliness in a luxurious housing project that is the epitome of stylish living. There are car showrooms, indoor ski-slopes and coffee bars you can drive to. Also there is a public park designed by Ian White (one of my favourites) who really bends over the drawing board to accommodate the biggest developers and is very much sought after. He is famously the landscape architect for the SECC just up the river and what a splendid job he made of laying out the tarmac around that memorable work of architectural brilliance. In other words, Braehead is a good example of real plaice-making!

So when I think about the deadzone that is Paisley and the UK City of Culture, I really wonder what kind of substances the Council folk have been putting in their tea. It truly is a mad fantasy. Council leader Mark Macmillan said: "The heritage regeneration strategy could be one of the most significant things to happen to the area in a long time". Ah but wait!

Spiders for Paisley!

Just underneath this article was much more significant news for Paisley. Spiders will be the focus of an evening hosted by the Paisley Natural History Society as part of their winter programme of talks. The event will discuss spider biology, ecology and life strategies. The people of Paisley and their Council officials and elected members would do well to attend this talk. They might learn something useful about evolution. They will then understand why their town centre is dead, why it will never 'regenerate' and why the whole town will disappear over the next decades.

It's an apocalyptic message I know but the role of the Expert Planner is to enlighten and help the great unwashed to understand how wonderful planning is! I know I have helped albeit in a small way! Have a great week - cheerbye for now!