Tuesday, 15 May 2007

And now we start

The villagers invited Melvin Kurray to open the new public toilet opposite the post office. There was great excitement as the specially prepared Arriva bus was towed onto the site of the proposed Town Square by Angus Macdonald in his historic Allis Chalmers tractor - it's bright orange paintwork reflecting the hopes and aspirations of the majority of the local community.

Auchterness Regeneration Single Enterprise had decided to invest in basic infrastructure for the new town centre well in advance of any realistic prospect of development as we were advised by consultant economists that a public toilet was a very popular facility and would greatly increase the chances of a call centre coming to the town. Our property consultants Ridden from Edinburgh had a different view but wouldn't commit this to paper until we settled a disputed fee note.

Anyway I digress. Kurray delivered a prepared statement on his vision for the future of planning in Scotland. I must admit that it was one of the most breathtakingly self-serving pieces I have ever heard. Mind you, a burnt out career is always hard to cope with. But he was all we could afford. The locals applauded enthusiastically and were delighted to see such a splendid display of refreshments laid on. Afterwards, the rain started again and it took Angus a long time to get Kurray's bus back down to the main road. We were happy to see the back of him - as old Mrs Davidson said, "He is a pompous loon." Indeed.

I hope we are doing the right thing here. There is talk of a new tram line or light rail link being established around the bay but if Edinburgh struggles to get this sort of thing, what hope have we? I'm worried that some of the sheep might get hurt on the track.

Greetings and the wonder of town planning

Hello everyone. Welcome to this great website provided free by Google in recognition of the importance of town planning in the service of Man in the 21st century. This site will document the development of the town of Auchterness - a new settlement in the socialist republic of Scotland. I hope you all find it interesting. On the map below, Auchterness is somewhere in the top bit - I'm afraid I'm not very good with this sort of thing.

I am the Secretary of the Auchterness Regeneration Single Enterprise. My wife left me some time ago so I have plenty of time to work hard for the future of this area and its deep cultural heritage of derelict crofts, sheep and the English who have come to live here. It is my firm belief that the recent work carried out by important people who lead our profession is carried out entirely for the good of the country rather than any mean-spirited self interest or personal aggrandisement. A succession of important people at the top of their profession have told me this.

I just wanted to finish this first post with a picture from the launch of our new company. It was held in the basement of the Glen Couter Arms Hotel - last used for storing sheep semen during the Falkland Crisis in the 1980s.
It was a great occasion - so much so that we are planning to have a relaunch very soon. This will be an opportunity to show off some of our dynamic new ideas for the recreational village near the old harbour which is going to feature a large development of volume builder housing in the former flood plain (we were told that no water has been seen there for years), a call centre and a new public toilet. The toilet will be the pump primer for the rest of the development.