Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Bad for me - good for Donald!

beware of limbo dancers
You know I can scarcely believe that so many months have passed since I last wrote on these pages. I could say that I'd lost my password again but if the truth be told, my career hasn't been going in the direction I had hoped and I've been rather depressed what with the bad summer and the news that my wife is about to have a child with another man. Another thing is the constant war against graffiti in the office - you know I like to keep everything clean but recently somone wrote this in the gents toilet - completely disgraceful. I feel so cast down as I look at this and all the other revolting garbage written on walls in our wee Auchterness.

I had thought about offering myself up for election to the Scottish Chapter of the Institute this year. Someone said it was a good idea and I had a number of supporters drawn from public sector organisations and of course the private sector through a well known international firm of consultants. But at the end of the day, these Institute guys are all losers aren't they? They exist to fill up the Planner with boring trash - I NEVER OPEN IT! - did you know that Mr President Whoever You Are? I'll bet most of the members don't know who the President is - I certainly don't. But the Scottish Chapter is far worse - mouth-breathers! Their little journal is recycled without being opened - straight in the bin. So I guess it wasn't right for me to join them - well maybe I wouldn't have been elected despite my strong record of rural regeneration.

I was delighted to see that Donald Trump has rightfully won his case to cart off that load of sand at Balmenie and make the place into a nice clean golf resort without any nasty newts or toads eyeing you up as you are about to take that important putt. Well done Donald and best wishes to your lovely flagrant wife! Your lucky to have a young wife - but you deserve it for being so clever and visionary!

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

One of my heroes

the Great Donald Trump
You know I'm completely in awe of the great Donald Trump. He must be one of the greatest architects and most stylish men around in our exciting world of property led town planning.

Personally I was completely embarrassed by the antics of Aberdeenshire Council in trying to refuse permission for his great world class golf development at Menie because of a few newts and toads hiding in the corner of a field. Thankfully our leader Alexander Salmond the Great stepped in to save the day though poor Donald still has to put up with the formality of a Public Inquiry which will hopefully see the opposition hung out to dry on the 18th hole.

If you're 59 years old and able to hang on to a lovely wife like Melania Knauss you must be really special. I lost my wife to a younger man only a few sad years ago so it's particularly poignant for me to see this great example of humanity, style and self confidence with such a beautiful and wholesome young wife of only 35 flagrant years. I can't help myself sometimes so I've included this lovely photograph of Donald, Melania and little baby Barron William Trump. Aren't they so great?
the fabulous Trump Family
So good luck Donald with your development near Aberdeen. I wish I could come and play there but the best I can manage is the old overgrown pitch and putt course up the road. We are going to sell that off for a prestige development - our new civic amenity site. Maybe I should invite Donald over to talk about a new golf course - now there's an original idea!