Thursday, 26 December 2013

Getting it off my chest

the suburban slum called Polnoon
You know, I felt a lot better after my expose and attack on the folk behind the cynical Planner journal the other week. But it was short-lived. A few days later, I received my personal copy of the Scottish Planner. I know that what follows here is rather boring if you don't get the magazine so my apologies for this. There is something of perhaps broader interest coming tomorrow but I have to get this off my chest now!

Initially I was over the moon - it seemed to me that The Scottish Planner was everything that the other journals were not. Our own wee tartan planning magazine! Then I noticed the article on allotments which amounted to nothing less than a personal attack on me. My Planning Advice Note published only a few weeks ago had been completely ignored! Clearly an hysterical response to my reasoned article, apparently written by two women who inhabit these dreadful places and whose husbands - or male partners - probably wear shorts.

As I leafed through the magazine I felt the presence of a dried up oatcake in my mouth. Alistair MacDonald’s last ever article as Convenor, a veiled attack on wind farms in South Lanarkshire and then the Scottish Awards for Quality in Planning. My goodness but it seems that most of these awards have gone to buildings! Why? Is it because a planning department approved the planning applications for these developments? It's completely absurd! What possible other role could planners have played in these developments?

Then there’s a pointless article by the Head of Planning for the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds discussing where housing developments should go. What’s it got to do with the RSPB? It’s none of their business! Housing should go where the market decides. This is mealy-mouthism taken to extremes. I condemn it!

It gets a lot worse on the next page where alleged former beauty queen and handbag expert Susie Stirling, Head of Plaicemaking and Design at the Scottish Government writes up some tosh about a place called Polnoon which aspires to be one of Scotland’s ‘Conservation Areas of Tomorrow’. Well don’t hold your breath for that. But it is a great piece of marketing mind you and it should be entered for an award on that basis alone. Well done to Mack and Mick for persevering with this crap.

Finally there is yet another article by the ubiquitous Nikola Miller. Honestly I had to give up after the second paragraph - I don't know whether to be dumbfounded at her youthful energy or horrified at the language of 'supporting, 'being confident in ourselves', 'celebrating success' and 'motivating presentations'. It all sounds like some Bible Belt preacher trying to get folk to go to church again.

Anyway, I knew you wouldn't expect me to be very cheerful over the Festive Season and that's the way it has turned out. I hope you had a lovely time on Christmas Day and that Santa was good to you.

I'll be back tomorrow with some news about a dreadful insult and gift I received for Christmas.

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