Monday, 23 September 2013

Reaching out

The guy at the front right is my son's role model
You know, I don't often reach out to people on personal matters but I must admit that I'm humiliated tonight. The boy is in serious trouble at school and my beautiful wife and her young lover don't seem to be able to help.

I saw the boy a couple of weeks ago and I was uneasy to say the least - well horrified actually. Back in August of last year I feared that he was turning into a hooligan, a Ned and a future member of the Tory party. He told me that his role model is the lead character in the film Neds - many of you will have seen it. He has also been on the Buckfast with his mates.  Today he phoned me up at work to boast about vandalising the school toilets - pulling the sinks off the walls and causing mayhem. He's proud of it! It hasn't dawned on him that it is wrong.  I can't repeat how he described me but it involved one of the four letter words that you sometimes find in the comments here. Preceded by the word 'old' of course.
A young hooligan drinks Buckfast - courtesy Daily Telegraph and PA

Apparently the boy hasn't been at school for over a week.  A parent of one of his friends went round to the house to find out what was happening and my wife answered the door. She was still in her dressing gown at 4.15 in the afternoon, smelling of drink and she had a fag hanging out of her mouth. Her young lover was there as well - shouting from the kitchen and telling her not to answer the door. I'm lost for words - last thing I knew she didn't smoke and only took a wee sherry on our birthdays or at Christmas when we used to play Scrabble after watching the Queen.

I will bring you an update soon but it seems that while my professional life as an expert planner and sought-after commentator on property development in Scotland is reaching new heights of respect and esteem, my personal life is falling to pieces. Sorry about this outburst and goodnight.

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