Wednesday, 29 August 2012

My terrible week

The tearful fate of Union Terrace Gardens
You know, it's been a terrible week - it's taken a long time for me to sit down and give you the benefit of my expert planner’s view of the latest events in Aberdeen. The double whammy last Thursday of the rejection of the magnificent proposals for Union Terrace Gardens designed by Sir Ian Wood and Keppies followed by Wee Stewartie Milne's withdrawal of the exciting New Pittodrie proposals for Aberdeen Football Club have dealt me a hammer blow.  My goodness - next thing will be the cancellation of the magnificent Western Peripheral Route.  I haven’t talked about that before but it's a magnificent strip of concrete and tarmac that will blitz vacant farmland with new development and bring new riches to the good people of the City. They certainly deserve it!

So one minute I've been angry and aggressive - the next, I've been blubbering intae ma keyboard. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably as I drove home that evening - I was weaving about on the road searching for the hankie in my trouser pocket. I imagined I saw armies of proles and philistines taunting me with their half eaten fish suppers and cans of Irn Bru.  I drove straight at them! They think they have won but let me tell you, Sir Ian and Dr Stewartie will be back!
The tearful fate of Union Terrace Gardens

You know, rich and clever people didn’t get where they are today by putting up with the stupidity of Labour councillors with their heads in the trough of the pigswill that is their limited ambition. People have said that Scotland is a frightened wee country -  I agree entirely. But you will see that Sir Ian will return with a new tactic that will forever sweep away the perverts, sheepshaggers and animal rights activists that inhabit the derelict gardens.

You know, a friend of mine told me recently that his young daughter had seen a young football supporter pleasuring himself on one of the benches in the Gardens while one of his friends drank a bottle of fortified wine. I won’t say what football team they were supporting but it is clear that this sort of thing is going to keep happening as long as Union Terrace Gardens exists and as long as Pittodrie is on its current site within the city.

It's a planning issue - and also a moral one.  The Labour Group have said no to the proposal - that is, no to progress, no to economic development, no to enterprise and no to beautification - but they've said yes to perverts, sex maniacs and drunkards!  Thankfully there is no doubt that this situation will be corrected and the matter resolved in favour of common sense and decency.

But what about me? Well sometimes I feel I just can’t go on. The forces of darkness seem to be in the ascendancy. Here at my lovely wee Auchterness the rain is fair pelting down - both literally and metaphorically! Just when I thought that development led planning spearheaded by a vigorous and dynamic property development industry was victorious, the black rancid syrup of the Labour Party seeps under my door to clog up the works.

My personal life has not improved - I will write more on that later but suffice to say that my young son is being brought up very badly by my beautiful wife and her young lover. He is a young hooligan now and it grieves me to say that he is becoming a Ned and a future member of the Tory party.  A selfish young fool with no respect for his elders. He doesn’t want to see me anymore so our happy weekends when we used to go to visit retail parks across the country are a thing of the past - just a little warm memory in the cold world of junket loving, spineless, unambitious, public sector nincompoops.  I will leave it at that for now but we will talk again soon.  Till then, Cheerio.

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