Friday, 31 August 2012

First steps to a new life

courtesy of
You know, I’ve hinted to you recently that it may be time to move on from my sadly unsuccessful marriage. There is little chance that my beautiful wife will return to the fold and in any case, last time I saw her, she had developed a bit of cellulite and didn’t look much like the beautiful woman I married all those years ago. She’s put on a bit of weight around her middle and backside which I suppose is a result of too much chocolate, drink and television as the thrills of carnal activities with her young lover start to fade. So like the television, she is now widescreen too! They laugh at me at work you know - “He couldn’t hold on to his wife” or “she had to seek the pleasures of the flesh elsewhere”.  I’ve been reasonable for years now so being able to call her the Widescreen Wife seems fair after all this time.  Yes I know it isn't politically correct to stray into this territory.

Now I wouldn’t like all my fans out there to think that I had been living the life of a monk for the past wee while. Obviously an expert planner like me, occupying a prominent position in Scottish regeneration, is going to attract a lot of female interest.  Buy unlike most members of the RTPI though, I’ve always been attracted to beautiful women and this is reciprocated.  I remember one day I was out with the boy having a slap-up meal at Burger King in Elgin when this beautiful young gal sat down opposite us. I don’t mind telling you that when she started squeezing her tea bag my mind turned to other things.

A friend of mine suggested the other day that I might find a new wife on the Internet. Yes there are a lot of horror stories about people taking advantage of women called Svetlana from Belarus but there are also women called Svetlana McDonald who are ’at it’ over here - looking for a husband with a fishing boat in Peterhead for example. But to get back to my point, I wouldn’t say no to a game of chess with a Russian Grand Mistress. What do you think?

So if your name is Tatiana and you are reading this, please get in touch! You will be made to feel most welcome at my humble abode and we can start cleaning the place up and doing the dishes. There’s also a bit of sewing to do and after that I would take you out for a nice fish supper as a reward! We can talk about town planning for hours and you will never be bored again.

Looking forward to hearing from you in due course!

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