Sunday, 12 April 2015

Kelpies reach the tipping point

The collapsing Kelpies
The collapsing Kelpies

You know, I was delighted to read in the Scotsman that millionaire cliché artist Andy Scott's terrible sculpture on the Forth and Clyde Canal near Falkirk is sinking into the primordial slime from which it should never have emerged in the first place. It will be closed for up to a year.

Apparently a wee woman from San Andreas noticed it was falling over in a time-lapse video she made on a visit there last year. The fact that no one else noticed this is frankly amazing in these days of due diligence and customer care. This would never happen in Auchterness! I'm sure that the consultants who were tasked with ensuring that this large pile of scrap metal stood up will be looking closely at their professional indemnity insurance policies!

Hopefully this will send out a message to Scottish Canals, Scottish Enterprise and Falkirk Council - as well as other public sector agencies trying to badge their regeneration projects with oversized tat - that employing Dreckmeister Scott to produce his patronising and ridiculous scrap metal compositions is never the best way forward. I appreciate how hard it is for regeneration folk to stop saying 'New Visitor Centre and an Andy Scott' or 'New Business Park and an Andy Scott' or 'I have this fantastic idea for a project and an Andy Scott', as if the words 'and an Andy Scott' were some sort of Talisman. These folk require a lot of counselling and care so that they can be relieved of this terrible mindset and hopefully move on to other things.

Disappointingly, there are plans underway to stabilise the structure. This is a serious error of judgement as the better way forward is obviously to let the Kelpies sink slowly into the mud. This would be a fantastic experiential art concept that would be far more meaningful than the original dreck. It might take years to disappear completely but the 'live death' would attract far more visitors than the meagre 350,000 folk who have who have gone to gawp at it so far. I suppose there is nothing else to do in a dump like Falkirk and for people who enjoy Strictly Come Dancing, The X Factor and The Apprentice, a visit to The Helix is just bringing the cheap thrill outdoors. I'm sure this very cleverly ticks a Green Agenda box somewhere!

But karma is a great thing isn't? That's at least the second of Scott's terrible artworks to suffer an unintended fate. I reported with glee back in February 2011 when the dreadful Man in Motion sculpture at Tullibody was felled and largely destroyed by a selfless motorist. I'm looking forward to the removal of more of these terrible structures which pollute our lovely wee Scottish landscape. Rust in Peace!

It's been a week of great excitement in the Scottish press and planning matters are up front where they deserve to be. I'll be back very soon with more great stories from the world of the expert planner. All the best from Auchterness and cheeriebye for now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

One unfortunate persons narrow minded opinion of something which has already brought much pleasure , awe and wonder to thousands of all ages, and will continue to do so. I sympathise that this person is compelled to be so negative of something so wonderfully creative and uplifting to the masses fortunate enough to experience such homegrown workmanship ! I wonder how many other amazing things in this ungrateful persons life have been inflicted by such negative and jealous opinion - what a disappointing waste of energy.