Monday, 12 May 2014

A Turnberry Lovefest

The Magnificent Hon Dr Donald Trump
The Magnificent Hon Dr Donald Trump

You know, I was sitting in one of my favourite retail park cafes the other day when I saw someone reading an article in the Herald entitled 'Trump predicts 'lovefest' with the community near Turnberry'. I was intrigued! I'm sure there are plenty of young Ayrshire maidens who would prostate themselves at the feet of the Honorary Doctor. In fact the whole town of Maidens may get round to doing that in the near future.

Anyway, I wasn't able to buy the newspaper so I looked up the article on the World Wide Web when I got back to the office. It seems that the Honorary Doctor is having lovefests all over the world including Sarah Palin, Meghan McCain and Ross Limbaugh. Even the President of America himself has been included.

I get the impression that this 'story' is a sordid bit of dirt invented by the Herald reporter, insinuating that My Hero will not be welcome in Ayrshire and that he will have to expose himself to local communities if he is to survive - what rubbish!
Nevertheless, the flamboyant developer and all-round genius launched the first salvo of a charm offensive saying that he would do his utmost to woo people to his cause. Actually my advice to him is that there is no need for that in Ayrshire - everyone is too desperate to do anything other than polish his shoes! He said: "I get along with the communities. The people over there are going to love us. It's going to be a lovefest." He went on to say, "What people don't realise is that we had a 93% popularity rate among people surveyed in Aberdeenshire. In fact they had a thing called the Trump factor. Business is booming since we went there. People are coming from all over the world to play the course."

Exactly! Turnberry and its associated centres of multiple deprivation, sectarianism and entire communities on probation will ultimately warm to Hon Dr Donald as did the miserable sheep-loving black house and railway carriage dwellers of Menie - they are rolling in cash now that God's Own Golf Course is such an international success. Regeneration in Ayrshire may actually involve people getting out of bed and getting a job instead of shoplifting but in time, they will get used to it.

All the best for the week ahead and best wishes to the great unwashed of Ayrshire on their good fortune.

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