I won't go into the reasons for my long absence - it's more constructive to talk about the present and the future. Yes I am well thank you and really nothing has changed - my beautiful wife is still shacked up with her young lover and I see the boy, rather more than I would like to.
Anyway I went to the toilet at my usual time this morning and as I was making myself comfortable on the Executive Thunderbox, I spotted a Daily Record from last week on the floor. A significant article from last Thursday caught my eye. It's the story of Allan Henderson, an Aberdeen based entrepreneur with 'wealth off the scale' - fantastic! It was a transformational experience for me - this man is a golfer, a barman and an inspiration - and I knew I had to give him the oxygen of publicity on this world famous stage. He was responsible for The Stag - one of Aberdeen's new breed of spit and sawdust bars on Union Street where drunks gather on a Friday night to kick each others' heads in. That's not far from Union Terrace Gardens of course but more about that in a future post!
Now like any businessman worth his salt - and here I have to mention the Great Dr Donald Trump, the Imperious Sir Ian Wood, Wee Dr Stewartie Milne and Sir Ewan Jamieson of Clydeport - Sir Allan is clearly intent on culture change and using his abundant wealth for the benefit of the local populous. He wants to regenerate Union Street - great stuff! I'm sure one of the ideas will be a string of Pound Shops selling packs of cheap razor blades to farmers wives across the north east to help keep their hairy knees in check.
Allan's article is full of great advice for people who are, let's be honest, hopeless at most things. It's aimed at local government town planners - yes members of the Royal Town Planning Institute - and other welfare sectors of the scrounging society.
Isn't it just great when successful people give the losers a piece of advice? Allan has worked in many different sectors - from the sandwich industry (white bread, margarine and strawberry jam) to rubbing shoulders with property magnets - so like many farmers in the north east, he knows his onions when it comes to the food industry. The key message is that a passion for money is the same as civic good and the story of how he made his millions is enough to make most local government officers deeply ashamed of their jobs for life. You have to read this - it is a thriller!
He's a good looking lad isn't he? - even if he looks a little crazy in this picture. This is a fantastic story of a local boy made good and happy to distribute some of his largesse to the plebs that hang about the wonderful city centre of the dynamo of Scotland's economy. He's obviously well connected to the world of town planning using phrases like 'huge impact', 'transforming two eyesores' (why not three?), 'engage with his fellow independent business owners', 'the main artery of the city' and 'a culture of everyone working together'. It's fantastic when the business community start to pick up the language that we planners know and understand and it bodes well for the future.
My hearty congratulations to Sir Allan and the Daily Record - such a prestigious newspaper - on writing this wonderful article and I strongly recommend him to the planners in Aberdeen City Council. They would do well to take him on board as an independent advisor on planning matters (though they should consider me first of course).
